God, it hurt. I hadn't realised how much it would hurt. The spark.
Don't know exactly what happened then. Awoke in darkness; the demon was gone. Time slid in and out. At first I was just confused. Too befuddled to hurt. I got back on a ship, burrowed myself down into the darkness of its hold... And then the nightmares started. Girls I'd killed, mostly. Girls with long blonde hair like...her. Blood on their necks. And they'd smile at me. That was the worst thing.
By the time I got back to Sunnydale, Dru had started talking to me. Couldn't be her, could it? Not really. Why would Dru, my dark beauty, be following me back to that awful place? And what was I doing, going back? I'd done all this for B- for the girl, and now I'd realised I didn't deserve her. I was a monster. She'd said that to me, but I hadn't understood it. Not then. But now -
"Why's little Spike crying?" said Dru, making a clucking sound at me. "Tell mummy all about it."
I pressed my face into the floor. I just want to rest..
Later. More time has passed. How much time? I don't know; hours, days perhaps. I realise vaguely that I'm in the basement of the school. No bloody idea why. The air is thick with something dark.
"I should... I should go up. See her," I say to myself, running my hands through my hair.
"Oh?" says Dru. "Going to see your princess?" She smiles and waggles a finger at me. "Don't you realise, my little William, you don't belong up there with her. You should stay in the dark, down here. Otherwise you might forget them."
"Who?" I ask, but I already know.
"All those pretty girls," she says, and I see dead girl after dead girl lying on the floor. "All those lovely dollies you killed." She tilts her head and smiles at me sweetly. "You always did have a taste for the young ones."
"That wasn't... I'm different now. I've changed."
"You'll never change, Spike. You know it... She knew it. You'll always be a monster. I love that about you. Do you think she does?"
Dark again. No Dru, and no girls. Not for now. But they'll be back; it's what they do. I rub my chest, feeling the familiar pain. The spark. I rub and rub and then claw with my fingers, and find to my surprise there's blood on my fingesr. I've scratched deep into my chest, and I didn't even feel it.
It's always blood.